A Compassion Focused Approach to Stress Management

One element of CMT is connecting to and embodying the compassionate self.  The compassionate self has three main pillars or aspects: a caring commitment, courage or strength, and wisdom.  This is not the same as self-compassion which was defined by Kristin Neff as having three parts: mindfulness (noticing the moment of suffering), connecting to common humanity, and kindness for the self. 

Using my 5 steps model the first step is being able to slow down (called “Pause”), this allows us space to begin to notice what’s present in your body (a somatic check-in), which is step two in my 5 steps model.  It can be hard to slow down and pause when we are stuck in our threat system, so sometimes we need to connect a little more of our soothing system first to modulate the threat system to allow us to slow down.  This can be as simple as noticing what we can see around us, or noticing our feet on the floor.

Step 2 is “Awareness” and somatic check-in, this is noticing all of what’s present in the body.  We can notice our nervous system state and where we are in terms of the three circles model, for example in a threat-drive, and what in our body tells us this.  When we are noticing what’s present the aim is to do so without judgement or criticism, instead noticing from a place of compassion and curiosity as best we can.  Paying attention from the perspective of our compassionate self is helpful, this might be tricky to start with.  Holding the intention to be compassionate, curious and bringing in some self-compassion can help us access the compassionate self, for example placing a hand on the heart and saying something like ‘may I do my best to notice with compassion and curiosity what’s present in my body.’  Whilst curiosity isn’t one of the main pillars of the compassionate self I believe it is an important aspect of it. 

The courage to be with suffering as it is without needing to change or ‘fix’ anything is part of the “Letting Be” step of my model (Step 3).   It can be tricky to draw a distinction between the noticing and being with steps, that’s because there sort of isn’t one (being with and allowing what’s present are both part of noticing).  In this step the compassionate self brings a caring commitment and a courage or strength to be with the suffering/challenges within what’s present.  A self-compassion perspective here would be awareness of what’s present and connecting to common humanity, for example that many people experience similar or the same things.  Practices like soothing rhythm breathing, or connecting to a safe place image, another CMT practice, can support nervous system regulation and being with what’s present, allowing it to be.

From letting be, we move to Step 4 – “Letting Go”.  Here we let go of what doesn’t serve us. This can include many things, for example: self-criticism, impatience, unhelpful habits, unhelpful beliefs, and excess tension in the body.  There are various ways to do this, from a compassionate mind perspective soothing rhythm breathing can help us maintain connection to a regulated nervous system and being connected to our compassionate self  helps us to let go of what doesn’t serve us in a non-judgemental way.  This may mean doing a compassionate self imagery practice (a “Letting In” practice – Step 5 of the model) before focusing more on letting go.  Compassionate phrases or mantras can also be helpful here.

The compassionate self holds much wisdom and by being with the suffering it can guide us to wise action.  Once we have noticed what’s present and let it be without judgement we can move to letting go, or we may not be ready to let go and need to let in more of what’s supportive before doing this (as mentioned above), not using Step 4 before Step 5 would be classes as wise action here.  Examples of letting in what supports our health & wellbeing, decreases stress and supports thriving can include connecting to more of a sense of safeness, or groundedness, using safe place imagery from compassionate mind training, or deepening an embodiment of the compassionate self using imagery and soothing rhythm breathing.  In terms of self-compassion this could be expressing kindness for the self which could include a self-hug, some compassionate words and/or soothing touch.  In the letting in step we could ask what would it be helpful to let in to help alleviate suffering in this moment? Or, what can I do for myself out of kindness right now? The letting in stage is also where we are aiming to stimulate the soothing system more and grow the green to help modulate the threat system and bring the three circles more into balance.

The CMT practices and CFT perspective can be used with my 5 steps model to manage and change stress, as well as create a compassionate way of being and live from a place of embodying the compassionate self as much as possible.