How to Prevent Burnout with Compassionate-Decision Making
Dr Claire Plumbly
Clinical Psychologist
Burnout Arises from Chronic, Unmanaged Occupational Stress
It’s not a personal failure – it’s a systemic issue, shaped by unrealistic demands, relentless pace, and a culture that often rewards overwork.
Of course, we need workplace reform, policy changes, and a shift in how society values rest. But for many of us, those changes are slow-moving – yet we still need to find ways to function and protect ourselves inside the systems we’re part of.
This is where compassionate decision-making comes in. While we can’t control everything happening around us, we can influence how we choose to respond. And sometimes even small, self-protective choices can make a meaningful difference, not just to us but also to others, modelling what is possible which helps collective change.
In burnout the persistent chronic stressors have disconnected us from our sense of agency, so in therapy we might work to look at the areas, however small, that are within our sphere of control or influence[i]. One of these is decisions. Decisions about how we spend our time and energy.
When we’re overwhelmed, decision-making tends to be driven by urgency, guilt, or fear:
- “I can’t let them down.”
- “If I say no, they’ll think I’m not committed.”
- “There’s no one else, if I don’t do this it won’t get done.”
This is understandable; our threat system is in overdrive. But what if we could shift our decision-making from threat-based to compassion-based? What if the question guiding our choices wasn’t “What do I have to do?”but “What would compassion choose?”
Compassion Is Not a Soft Option
In Compassion Focused Therapy (CFT), compassion isn’t about being indulgent or opting out. It’s about taking wise, courageous, and kind action in the face of difficulty – including the difficulty of high-volume stressors.
Compassionate decision-making means considering the needs of your future self, not just your fear of disappointing others. It means acting from care rather than pressure.
This isn’t easy, especially if you’ve come to equate worth with productivity (a strong implicit message in our culture). But it’s a practice that can radically shift how you move through your day.
How CFT Helps: From Drive to Soothing
A Burnout Moment: The Calendar Conundrum
Imagine you’re staring at your calendar. Your day already looks full with back-to-back appointments, admin, childcare, chores. Then a message pops up from a colleague asking if you could just squeeze in another meeting…
The default response might be to rearrange lunch, cancel the walk, or work later than intended so you can fit it in.
But here’s the compassionate decision-making shift:
Instead of asking, “How can I squeeze this in?”
Ask, “How can I pace this day so that I don’t crash later?”
This question shifts you from being threat-system-led to activating your soothing system. It invites your compassionate self into the decision-making process.
You might decide to say “not possible today but I have space this time next week”.
You might ask for support for one of your other tasks so you can prioritise this new demand without compromising.
You might even choose to say “I’m currently at capacity, please can you ask someone else”. Whatever you choose, it comes from care, not fear.
A Note on Decision Fatigue
When you’re burnt-out, even small decisions can feel overwhelming. This is called decision fatigue – the mental exhaustion that builds up when your brain is constantly juggling choices, responsibilities, and what-ifs.
In that state, we tend to default to old patterns: saying yes too quickly, overcommitting, or avoiding decisions altogether.
Compassion can interrupt that autopilot. By asking “What would compassion choose?” you’re not just making a better decision, you’re giving your mind a simpler path through the noise. You’re choosing values over insecure-striving and becoming more intentional with your actions.
Try This: A Compassionate Choice Pause
When faced with a decision, try this brief check-in:
- Notice: What emotion is driving your urge to respond in a specific way. Is it fear, guilt, urgency, or care and warmth?
- Visualise: Bring to mind your compassionate self – you when you feel calm, grounded, wise. It might help to imagine a previous time when you made supportive decision and how that felt both during and after.
- Ask: What would compassion choose here? What would serve my wellbeing both today and in the longer term?
- Act: Choose from that place, even if it feels unfamiliar or uncomfortable at first. Remember that with all new habits – it does get easier with practice.
Please Know This - You Don’t Have to Earn Your Breaks
A mindset I see in burnt-out clients, which feels very hard to let go of, is that rest must be earned. But here’s the thing – if we don’t choose when we take breaks then our body will choose for us. And it’s unlikely to be at a convenient time!
Tending to ourselves with compassion means intervening before we’ve collapsed with exhaustion. Compassion says:
“I’m not going to let you get to the edge of burnout before I take care of you.”
The more we practise making decisions from compassion the easier it becomes as we breathe more life into our soothing system. We not only regain our energy but also a healthier balance in our three systems which can sustain us in times of stress.
Brief Bio:
Dr Claire Plumbly is a Clinical Psychologist & author of Burnout: How to Manage Your Nervous System Before It Manages You
References
[1] Circle of Concern, Influence & Control. (1989), Stephen, R. Covey. The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.Simon & Schuster. London
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